Comment Wall

Link to my portfolio here!


  1. Dylan! First off, I would like to say that the design of your portfolio is very clean and cuts out nicely and simply for the readers to find exactly where to find your stories and nothing too crazy that might confuse the readers when they are checking out your profile. One thing I will ask though is why you have a picture of San Francisco for your cover page as well as the image there? Does it have something to do with the story; like do all of your stories in the portfolio going to be composed of the setting like that?

    I think that for the only current story that you have right now, I suggest more of an introduction as to who the characters are and why it should be a peak of interest! Right now, we follow a character and their usual day in a life. But what does the forest have to do with anything? Why does his father prefer polygamy? I think that if you provide some insider in the beginning as to how things come to the way they are, it would make the reader more interested and curious as to what's to come in the story! For the overall portfolio, I think it would be more interesting if you created a general theme (for example, like all the settings being in San Francisco, like your cover page), that way, there's some form of continuity that ties all the stories together and would make your portfolio a lot more interesting.

    Other than that, I think this is a great start to your portfolio, and look forward as to see that you will do in the future!

  2. Hi Dylan!
    I really like the overall look of your portfolio and the use of San Fransisco for your home page. Having the skyline creates an interesting look for this project and made me interested in seeing what else was inside the portfolio! I am working on a storybook so it will be interesting for me to see how you are able to make your stories greater each time I come back to see yours in the future. My first suggestion for your story of Perseus is within the authors note. In the authors note you say "for this weeks story" I would change this so it does not look copy and pasted from one of your weeks story's that you wrote before and so it does not confuse anyone who just so happens to be stopping by. Overall I love the clean look of your portfolio and really enjoyed getting to read the first story you choose. I can not wait to see how it all comes together in the end! Great job!

  3. Dylan, it took me until the end before I finally figured out what story you were trying to tell! It was so well written; I can't believe I didn't figure it out earlier. You really put a modern twist on the tale. I think when we retell this kind of story in modern language, it actually makes it sounds kinda crazy that someone would leave their home, just based on an IOU (haha, loved that you called it that). I guess something to learn about Indian culture is the importance of elders and a promise. For me, the biggest take-away from the Ramayana was the importance of keeping your promise.

    I loved your intro, it was a simple start but since you started right in the action, it definitely caught my attention. You did a fantastic job at setting the scene and the dialogue between the characters shows dimensions of not only spoken language but also the internal feelings of our narrator. This allows your reader to get a better perspective of the story you are trying to tell. I liked that your portfolio was easy to navigate and I can’t wait to read more of your stories. Great Job!

  4. Hey Dylan!

    Last I checked I thought you were doing a portfolio not a story book right? Your top left header says my story book. This is a little misleading. I really like your use of dialogue in both of your stories. It adds an aspect of knowing the characters than can't be developed through the narrator. Personally, I would also recommend to move your picture to before your authors note or maybe in the actual story somewhere. This would be a good way to divide your story and maybe and an unconventional paragraph break. I also really like how you are using Greek mythology to retell Indian mythology. It is always interesting to see how you can draw parallels between different cultures using mythology. Many cultures seem to have similar stories in their mythology. Maybe you could find similar stories and try to retell them in something other than Greek mythology.

  5. Hey Dylan! First off, I really like the modernization you did of this story. I think that it is a great touch that allows the reader to relate to the story a little bit more. It really did a fantastic job of showing just how ridiculous it is for someone to be banished just because a favor is owed. The dialogue in this story does a great job of showing what is happening and what is going on in each character's mind throughout the whole ordeal. You're retelling of the second story is done well also and I like how you continue the use of Perseus even though I am not sure if it is the same character. If it is, maybe you could clarify this somehow. I also like the idea of two major gods going to battle against each other so I really enjoyed this story. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

  6. I think that it unnecessary to tell us how to use the website. You did a good job setting it up so it is not confusing. I think that your home page would be t=better used letting us know what to expect in tour 2 stories. Is there an overarching theme? Are they connected? Things like that because we go in blind not knowing what to expect. Your photos are pretty but without context they aren’t that helpful.
    For the story “The Exile of Perseus” I think you did a good job with normal narration and mixing dialogue in there. I think dialogue is a great way of storytelling because then you can add personality to how they talk based on what kind of character they are. I think that there is a little too much space in between the Authors note and the paragraph. I would just delete a few of them. I really like the photo choice for the story “The Death of Poseidon”. I think that your website is super clean. Good job!

  7. Hi Dylan,
    I think it’s interesting how you are combining two types of epics by using Greek characters but story lines from Indian epics. I think it’s really creative! Also, I really liked the pictures you chose. I would suggest putting them before the Author’s notes so people don’t miss them.
    When you had the cliff hanger in your first story and mentioned the same character, Percy, in the next story, I expected some sort of continuation of the first story. The stories aren’t really too connected and that’s fine; I don’t think they should be necessarily. To make it seem like it isn’t a continuation, maybe you could make the Percy in the first story into some other greek person. Or maybe you could give some sort of explanation in the second story to explain how we got from one story to another. Maybe after his exile he came back to his house and noticed this giant war scene, and he couldn’t get to his father in time. Or maybe during his exile he found a portal to another dimension where all this stuff was happening. I dunno.
    Also, people that know Greek mythology stuff may know something about the beef between Poseidon and Zeus, but maybe you could offer just a little bit of either Greek or Indian drama that caused Poseidon and Zeus to war.
    Your stories in general have been great so far. Very intriguing! Keep up the great work.

  8. Dylan,

    I like your project so far! Your Greek mythology sub theme is quite evident. Your idea to take stories we've read throughout the course and change the context/setting is pretty cool.
    That said, I do have a little feedback:
    1. If the Perseus in the first and second stories aren't the same person, I would use different names for the two characters. I was expecting the second story to be a continuation of the first because both have Perseus. It wasn't. The first story didn't gain anything by having the character be named Perseus- I'd recommend changing the name to avoid potential confusion.
    2. I think the first story could be more realistic if the dad simply asked the son to move out. Telling him to go live in the woods is unnecessarily harsh in a modern setting. You could set up the situation as though he just turned 18 and the girlfriend wants him to move out now that he's an adult?
    3. I'm not entirely sure what a picture of San Francisco has to do with your writing and stories? Maybe you could tie it in more clearly?

    Great start to your project! You've got some pretty solid stories so far!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Introduction to a Mechanical Engineer

Week 5 Story: The Return of Sita